Friday, December 2, 2011

Me and Kiefer BFFs 4eva!

I dreamed years ago I used to live in an awesome house on stilts over a canyon where it often rained but the rain was below my house.  I could see herds of animals down there.  It was beautiful.  But I had to move away, and I got some of my friends hooked up to take the place when I left it.

Then the neighborhood went to crap.  The university nearby got really big and the sprawl of the city took over, full of unruly fratboys and loud, gross parties.  In the canyon a big amusement park opened, noisy rides and roller coasters chasing all the animals away.  There was a record-breakingly-huge Ferris wheel that drew a lot of people, but the amusement park quickly fell out of fashion and into disrepair.  They put in a second Ferris wheel to try to attract more people but nobody came, and the park closed and became a favorite spot for illegal drinking parties and was soon covered with broken bottles and graffiti.

My friends decided to move out, and they asked me to come pick up some mail that had come for me there.

They had YEARS worth of mail.  Some of it was very important, like a magazine had sent me a really nice (though now obsolete) camera to record myself answering interview questions for them to put on their website. There were bills I never paid and lots of things I could have gotten in real trouble for ignoring.

I was really mad, but by the time I had gone through everything and was going to ask my friends why they had never given me this stuff, they had moved across the country and weren't answering my calls.  Then I was just sad that they had let a little thing like some mail snowball into something they felt so bad about that they wouldn't talk to me for fear of my anger.  I hadn't actually gotten in trouble for missing any of it, in fact some of it was too old to collect so I was getting away in better shape than if I had gotten the stuff, for the most part.

Then Kiefer Sutherland as the vampire in Lost Boys came up out of the abandoned amusement park and asked me to tune his guitar, so I did and then he played a song trying to hypnotize some lady but she ran away.  He sighed and put the guitar down, and I picked it up and played a song for him and hypnotized him instead, which somehow made me a vampire too.  We chased all the other vampires (they were less evolved than us of course) around and had a great time and learned we could run super fast on all fours.  We ran and ran and found a new canyon where all the animals had gone to and joined the natural order of life like a couple of lions.

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