I was hanging out with some of my artist friends, and one of them knew Quentin Tarantino. One of my friends, Carmen, had a movie idea she wanted to pitch to him, so we called him and all we got to say was that we wanted to talk to him, and he was like "Oh! Oh! I'm so there." and he appeared. He was panting and explaining that he flies all over the country to meet with people and talk about ideas. We were like "Carmen has an idea!" and Quentin said "Wait, we have to do this right. I like to rent out the convention center of a town or small city, somewhere small enough that it's a big fucking deal to have anyone go there. Like Denver City, Utah." Tony and I got all excited and said we'd been to Denver City twice (even though that's not a real place, it was true in the dream).
So Quentin made some calls and was like "There's a place in Florida that's perfect. C'mon, we're taking the boat." I was momentarily confused because we were in Oklahoma and being the experienced road traveler I am, I was pretty sure a boat was not the best way to get to Florida. But then Quentin's people drove up in a gigantic plywood canoe parade float thing. And I was like "Ohhh, yeah, that kind of boat will work!"
So we all made a supply run to a gas station because we knew you can get bad sunburns on a boat, but all they had on display was hunting stuff. We asked the clerk where all their Mexican items were and he took us upstairs where they had all the sandals and sunglasses and sunblock, and we stocked up and got in the boat and took off through a huge expanse of golden wheat fields. We even fished over the side of the boat and caught chickens.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
God Sent Me To Help Lando
I dreamed I was chosen by God to help Lando Calrissian. I went to the beautiful hotel he was living in and had to try to find him. I wasn't anyone special to anyone there so I had to make my own way to get to Lando. Someone had wrecked a motorcycle in the parking garage and left it in the trash, and I dragged it out. It was old and rusted and dirty and wouldn't run, but as I touched it here and there it became like new, sparkling and perfect. Because it was never a popular bike, now that it was shiny and pristine it looked really unique and beautiful to everyone. When some of the famous motorcycle-loving guests saw my bike, they challenged me to a race. They knew my bike was nowhere near as powerful as theirs. I accepted, and when they laid out the rules of the race I didn't pay any attention. When they said "Go!" I merely putted over to where the crowds of spectators were and let them all see how beautiful my bike and I were.
A group of women wanted me to join them for a party in the VIP area of the hotel. I left the bike and the race and went with them, but we found the VIP areas were all too full of people. It was nighttime and cold out, but I suggested we go to the outdoor pools. They all thought I was crazy, so I went out by myself. As I walked to the pools, multi-colored lights under the surface of the water turned on, and fountains flared water up into the air. Steam rose off the pools, because it turns out they were heated.
In the pools were little grottoes where small parties could sit in the hot water and relax and have conversations. A hand came out of one of these and beckoned me to join. It was a group of Lando's former lovers, women and men both, and they told me I had better be careful because I was just his type. I asked what was so bad about him and they said he was haunted by some feeling of guilt and failure that he would never talk about. They all loved him dearly, but he couldn't really love anyone without loving himself, and so he would pick one lover for a while and then throw them out and take up with another, and keep stringing them all along, making them all miserable.
Then a waiter appeared and said Lando wanted someone they couldn't find, and to appease him they wanted to just bring any of his old harem back to him. The lovers all clambered to be chosen, but the waiter pointed at me and said "You don't look familiar, maybe new blood will keep him occupied."
So I was sent up in a special golden elevator that went only to Lando's penthouse. When I arrived, the entryway turned out to be a maze. It was all tiled and decorated like a Greek bath, and dotted with pools. It looked like a fancy re-textured Mario 64 map. Since I played so much Mario 64 I got through with no problem at all and finally found Lando.
He was a mess. His chamber was torn apart and his furniture destroyed. Despite the destruction everywhere, he looked immaculate. He wore white and yellow and gold, topped off with a flowing cape.
"I'm here to help you," I told him. His face darkened and he looked on the verge of a screaming rage, but as he looked at my face and met my eyes and I stayed calm and cool, the violence dissipated. He seemed to know who sent me and why.
He laid before me two pairs of boots. They were much like his own, yellow and gold, but differed slightly from each other. One pair was stiffer and went up to the knee, and the other was a little softer and went up to the calf, and had a flatter sole.
I tried on each pair, and then chose the shorter ones. It apparently had significance, because his eyes widened and he started whispering incessantly to himself.
Then he handed me his blaster and pointed at a vase on the other side of the room. I aimed at it, and then moved slightly to the left and pulled the trigger, exploding the target. He nearly fell over backward from astonishment.
"I bear a message," I told him. "Your son forgives you. You never did anything wrong, and the guilt you feel is pointless. You cling to a tree which has no roots--climb down and let the wind blow it away."
He began to cry and thanked me. I left knowing the old Lando was going to be himself again.
A group of women wanted me to join them for a party in the VIP area of the hotel. I left the bike and the race and went with them, but we found the VIP areas were all too full of people. It was nighttime and cold out, but I suggested we go to the outdoor pools. They all thought I was crazy, so I went out by myself. As I walked to the pools, multi-colored lights under the surface of the water turned on, and fountains flared water up into the air. Steam rose off the pools, because it turns out they were heated.
In the pools were little grottoes where small parties could sit in the hot water and relax and have conversations. A hand came out of one of these and beckoned me to join. It was a group of Lando's former lovers, women and men both, and they told me I had better be careful because I was just his type. I asked what was so bad about him and they said he was haunted by some feeling of guilt and failure that he would never talk about. They all loved him dearly, but he couldn't really love anyone without loving himself, and so he would pick one lover for a while and then throw them out and take up with another, and keep stringing them all along, making them all miserable.
Then a waiter appeared and said Lando wanted someone they couldn't find, and to appease him they wanted to just bring any of his old harem back to him. The lovers all clambered to be chosen, but the waiter pointed at me and said "You don't look familiar, maybe new blood will keep him occupied."
So I was sent up in a special golden elevator that went only to Lando's penthouse. When I arrived, the entryway turned out to be a maze. It was all tiled and decorated like a Greek bath, and dotted with pools. It looked like a fancy re-textured Mario 64 map. Since I played so much Mario 64 I got through with no problem at all and finally found Lando.
He was a mess. His chamber was torn apart and his furniture destroyed. Despite the destruction everywhere, he looked immaculate. He wore white and yellow and gold, topped off with a flowing cape.
"I'm here to help you," I told him. His face darkened and he looked on the verge of a screaming rage, but as he looked at my face and met my eyes and I stayed calm and cool, the violence dissipated. He seemed to know who sent me and why.
He laid before me two pairs of boots. They were much like his own, yellow and gold, but differed slightly from each other. One pair was stiffer and went up to the knee, and the other was a little softer and went up to the calf, and had a flatter sole.
I tried on each pair, and then chose the shorter ones. It apparently had significance, because his eyes widened and he started whispering incessantly to himself.
Then he handed me his blaster and pointed at a vase on the other side of the room. I aimed at it, and then moved slightly to the left and pulled the trigger, exploding the target. He nearly fell over backward from astonishment.
"I bear a message," I told him. "Your son forgives you. You never did anything wrong, and the guilt you feel is pointless. You cling to a tree which has no roots--climb down and let the wind blow it away."
He began to cry and thanked me. I left knowing the old Lando was going to be himself again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)